24  Disyembre 2012
Lunes. 9:59PM
White Beach, Puerto Galera.

     2012 was not the easiest year for me. I got sick for almost 8 months, I failed the Civil Engineering Licensure twice and....I got my heart broken shattered into a million tiny pieces. I woke up feeling robbed of my dream and my reason all at once. It's like going to war then surviving only to know that you're heading for another war without assurance of coming out the same. 
     It was the first time in my life that I literally didn't know what to do next. I just laid in bed for days, not doing absolutely anything. I just laid there. I didn't cry, which up to now scares me as Im afraid that Im shielding myself from my own emotions and that everything that happened has brought so much anaesthetic effect that tears don't come anymore. 

    The most common remark I get from people is of how strong I am as a person, that I get through anything with the brightest smile on my face like facing hurdles for me is as normal as going for an early morning run. 

*deep breath*

    Its Christmas..I will continue this entry some other time. For tonight, I shall put on my mask and pretend that Im the happiest girl in the world.

From here to where you are,


Securing my insecurities.

14 Setyembre 2012
Biyernes. 12:56PM
At home in Batangas City.

       Turning 22 in two days time gives me a reason to hold a self audit on this aspect of my life which I should let go of to make room for better ones. And though past experiences make it extremely hard for me to shake off this bad habit, I will do it as a birthday gift to myself.

       Almost everyone has some hidden insecurity, from trivial, inconsequential stuff to deep-seated bitterness. And I think that it's human nature to not like everything about yourself, its actually quite helpful if your manner towards dealing with it is through self-improvement. But in my case, it turned out a little differently.

       As a teenager, I was always insecure of my Snow White skin because I think I don't look healthy enough, I was insecure of my crooked teeth because all of the girls in my class had perfect pearly whites. I was insecure of my own style because I dress differently from the rest, I felt weird because I didn't blend in. Fast forward to present, my insecurities translated into another form: self comparison. Why can she travel abroad and I cant? Why does his family loves her so much and not me? Why is she so much well off than I am? Why does she makes me feel like she's taking my place in front of everybody else? Why do they have so much history together and not with me?

       After going through this vicious cycle countless of times, I woke up defeated from my own thoughts and comparisons. I woke up with a bad feeling in my stomach because I let myself succumb to my insecurities. Insecurities are worthless, but ironically, that's exactly how it makes you feel at the end of the day, worthless. It eats you up from the inside and though people try to help you, it will all be futile if you don't snap out of it yourself. It's your insecurities, that's why only you can secure it. 

       I realized that health has nothing to do with my complexion, it comes from my lifestyle and that being mestiza is something that I should be proud of  =)  I realized that crooked teeth must not stop me from smiling with the world and that it's really more about being thankful that I have lots of reasons to be happy (but of course wearing braces wouldn't hurt either ^^). I realized that being weird equates to being unique, to being comfortable enough to express my own individuality and that standing out is the preferred outcome more than blending in. And finally, I realized that no matter how much I compare myself with her, I wouldn't be her. In the same way that she wouldn't be me. We both have our own individual set of struggles, passions and people who make us happy. Being insecure won't make me any more of who she is, it actually makes me less of who I really should be. So for turning 22, I will give myself the gift of my own peace of mind. I will let go of my insecurities and I will not stop myself from being happy =)

From here to where you are,



01 Setyembre 2012
Sabado. 3:36PM
At home in Batangas City.

       Kicked off the first day of September by downloading music legally =) I purchased Sponge Cola's latest single "XGF" for only 25 bucks and paid it from my Smart mobile account through  mymusicstore.com.ph . When it comes to Sponge Cola, I normally purchase their album every time they're in town so I could get it signed as well. But this development made hearing their music a lot more accessible to their audience, just load 25 bucks and you can download the song right there and then, no rocket science needed =) Through this, you're not just supporting the band but also the OPM industry as well. 

       As for the song (which in my opinion is perfect for early morning runs to get the blood pumping- I mean, who wouldn't be pumped up if they happened to know that their XGF is now the current GF of their friend. haha) you can now vote for it in MYX by visiting myxph.com. You could also vote for the song in Magic 89.9 by tweeting @magic899 and in 99.5 RT by visiting their website dwrt995.fm =) 

I know, I've been very talkative. You must be asking "Where is the video?" so here it is, Sponge Cola's XGF :) Enjoy....

          How about you guys, how did you spend your first day of September? =)

From here to where you are,



29 Agosto 2012
Miyerkules 2.24PM
At home in Batangas City. 

       The thing with introductions is that you never know what exactly to say first to get the conversation going in the right direction. It is almost always filled with awkward smiles, pauses and handshakes. That also goes with first time blog entries like this one :)

       Writing, for me, is both an escape and a familiar place. I turn to writing whenever things get crazy and whenever things are just cruising. I first fell in love with it during my freshman year in high school. Though I would love to say that my reason was out of teenage rebellious angst for melodramatic purposes, it was more because I really felt that I belonged to it. I started writing on my English Lit notebooks, then on company planners given out on Christmas parties and as time (and my allowance ^_^) progressed, I moved to more fancy hardbound journals. Then there came the world of HTMLs. From one site move to another, here I am finally trying out another means of documenting my everyday life. And I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this will be a long term writing relationship.

       Its really never too late to get out of my comfort zone right? Join me on my roadtrip to life, love and travel Don't forget to put your sunglasses on, it will be a sunshiny adventure =) 

From here to where you are,